Helpful Tips for Women Navigating Frustration and Anger

I find it interesting how easy it is to hide who you really are from the world. I suppose “who you really are” is a bold statement that is not necessarily true… What I really mean is: it is interesting how easy it is to hide the parts of ourselves we are most ashamed of from the rest of the world.

For me, this is my anger and quickness to respond aggressively to those closest to me when they behave or respond in a way I disagree with.

If you are like me, someone who is:

• Quick to anger
• Can be impatient
• Yells when they are frustrated
• Lashes out at others when they feel attacked

then this post is for you.

Below, I share several tips on how I tempered my anger management issues over the years and reinvented myself as a more pleasant lady.

Decide you do not want to be that way anymore.

The #1 thing to do when you are on this path of reinventing yourself is to decide the type of person you’d like to be and choose to act in a way that is in accordance with that image of yourself.

I find it helpful to use a role model or source of inspiration on how I want to move through the world. Whether the person is real or a character in a book, TV show, or movie, it is helpful to have a source of inspiration to help you know what it is you are working toward. 

It is up to you to decide that you no longer wish to be angry.

Imagine the type of environment you want for a future (or current) child.

Do you really want to be someone who explodes and gets loud when they are frustrated?

I sure hope your response is “no.”

I often advise my friends to use a similar metric to determine if the person they are dating has long-term potential: “Could you see yourself having children with this person?” When we turn the question to ourselves, it forces us to look in the mirror and understand the type of environment we want to create for a more fragile, helpless being. Understanding that we want to create a peaceful, harmonious, non-anxious-inducing environment for a child forces us to look at our behavior and see where we are not behaving in that way. 

Some harmful reactions when we are frustrated and angry that are not ideal for children (or anyone for that matter):

• Yelling/getting loud
• Cursing/derogatory language
• Calling someone names
• Rolling eyes
• Dismissive
• Belittling
• Gottmans’ Four Horsemen (Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, Stonewalling)¹

Any of these behaviors would be harmful to do toward a child and likely lead to years of therapy in the future. Not to mention, they are also inappropriate ways to treat loved ones, acquaintances, or strangers.

Focus on what you can control.

And what can you control, might you ask?

My immediate, concrete answer is your response and reaction to what others do.

For the sake of this argument, let’s say we are not completely able to control how others interact with us or what happens to us in life. If this is true, then what we can focus on to reinvent ourselves as women who no longer have anger issues is our reactions when dealing with circumstances that frustrate us.

It is easy to feel happy and changed as a woman during blissful, happy times. What truly defines us and the sought-after change is how we react during frustrating times. When someone makes an offhand comment and we feel disrespected, when someone gets loud with us during a disagreement, or a driver purposely cuts us off and then slams on their brakes directly in front of us. 

How are you handling these circumstances? 

Use concrete methods to curb explosive reactions.

Counting

In the heat of the moment when you feel yourself getting angry, count in your head before responding to the situation.

You can count up to 5 or down from 10. I personally like to count up, but either way works. The real trick is to count slower than you normally would, to create a notable distance between the action that upset you and your reaction to it.

Breathing

Similar to counting, and possibly best used coinciding with counting, breathing deeply and slowly is an excellent way to mitigate frustration outbursts and curb stress.²

I like to inhale slowly through my nose for about 4 of the 10 seconds I count, hold for 2 seconds, and then exhale for 4 seconds all while closing my eyes. This type of breathing slows down my heart rate and allows me to pause for a moment or two before responding.

Stepping Away

If you notice breathing and taking a moment to respond is not helping with curbing the anger and frustration during difficult situations, take a break from the conversation. Announce that you need time before continuing the conversation and come up with a concrete time when you will discuss things with the person whom you are communicating with.

Don’t just walk away without verbalizing your intent. That is rude and immature.

You are an adult and are capable of using your words to clearly articulate what you need in the moment. I generally like to resolve things right away but find this tool to be extremely useful when the conversation is remaining heated or cyclical.

Use the time away to continue calming your nerves and coming up with constructive points you want to get across to the person you are communicating with. I like to write down points I find important to discuss after I’ve had a few minutes to lower my heart rate and think more clearly about the situation. 

Using Better Language

Over the years, I have changed my communication style to use more “I” statements instead of “you” statements. I focus on how I interpret actions, how I feel about certain things, and what I can control in the dynamic relationship. “You” statements can often make the person with whom I’m communicating with feel attacked and get defensive, so I strive to stick with using “I” statements.

I also focus on using the correct adjectives and words to describe my view of the situation. Instead of lashing out, calling the person I am speaking with names, or cursing up a storm while getting loud, I find difficult situations are easier to maneuver through when I am articulate and precise with the words I use. I also think the person I am speaking with takes me more seriously when I am not dropping an “f” bomb every other word.

Using Affirmations

This final tip is not something I necessarily do in the midst of feeling frustrated and angry but rather a habit I’ve worked into my daily journaling. Writing affirmations about the type of person I want to be has helped me shift into the energy of that woman who is not quick to anger.

Some of the affirmation statements I write and repeat to myself internally are:

• I am kind.
• I am patient.
• I am even-tempered.
• I am slow to anger.
• I am thoughtful.
• I am easy-going.
• I am careful with my words.

I hope you found this post to be helpful and are willing to take the necessary steps to change your behavior and become someone you are proud to see when you look in the mirror. It is not too late to change.

Check out my Free Guide for help with taking accountability for your actions and building a more beautiful personality inward to match a beautiful life outward. 

1. Lundman, Susan. “The Four Horsemen: The Antidotes” The Gottman Institute, https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-the-antidotes/ ↩︎
2. Turankar, AV, et al. “Effects of Slow Breathing Exercise on Cardiovascular Functions, Pulmonary Functions & Galvanic Skin Resistance in Healthy Human Volunteers – a Pilot Study.” The Indian Journal of Medical Research, vol. 137, no. 5, 2013, p. 916, https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3734683/. Accessed 9 Jan. 2025. ↩︎