It’s a quarter til 9 as I park my Jeep on the west side of Elliot Highway, about 2 miles from Eureka, Alaska. The air is crisp on this Saturday morning and I haven’t seen another vehicle in over an hour. Alone. I am completely alone. A feeling of excitement with a touch of nerves pulses through my veins. This is what it feels like to do things alone.
If you have a goal to start doing more things by yourself, I am here for you. I understand your desire and support your decision to take this first step in learning more about doing so. There is something empowering about experiencing life alone, especially as a young lady. For as long as I can remember, I’ve enjoyed solitude and never let fear or lack of a companion stop me from doing something I wanted to do.
Below is a list of 10 activities you need to try doing by yourself that I’ve divided into the following 4 categories:
IN TOWN EXCURSIONS
1 – Going to the Movies
Next time there is a featured film you want to watch with the full “movie-going” experience (aka, NOT on your couch while you are still wearing your pajamas), don’t wait until someone wants to go with you! Find the next matinee showing (gotta have the deal, am I right?) and waltz on down to the movie theater by yourself.
A core memory of mine is going to see the movie Lincoln on Christmas Day after driving 10 miles to meet with an ex-boyfriend in a school parking lot for him to tell me he wants to stay separated. We were seniors in high school, ready to go off to college, so I don’t know what I expected…
I watched that entire 150-minute movie by myself because I told my parents that’s where I was going and I did not want to lie about that AND the fact that I really left the house on the holiday to briefly see my ex.
This was back in high school and although Lincoln would not be my first choice of movie to see today, it was the first time I saw a movie alone. I was 17. Even then I recognized the magic of sitting alone in a room full of strangers watching something so cinematic, engulfed by the massive screen and surround sound.
2 – Shopping
Is there anything worse than having someone follow you around while walking through a crowded grocery store? You have a system, you know the aisles you need to get to and the order to get to them. Not to mention how difficult it is to share the narrow aisle space with someone. Who decided to make shopping aisles so dang small?!
Grocery shopping, or shopping in big box stores in general, is something you need to try doing by yourself.
When it comes to shopping for clothes and shoes, it seems impossible to be on the same page with a friend or partner on how long to be in a store. One person is ready to go eat while the other is having a blast browsing for goods. Even whenever I am grocery shopping for other folks who are in town visiting, I ask for a list of what they want and get all the items myself, on my own time, in my own flow. Completely stress-free. Why have any tension at all? Try shopping as a solo trip.
3 – Eating at a Restaurant
If you struggle with doing things alone, try taking yourself out for a meal and see how empowered you feel afterward.
Eating alone at a restaurant is the epitome of independence, especially for a female.
A good book in hand, possibly a journal, your purse or bag sits on the seat across from you and you settle into your chair, ready to enjoy a nice meal in an inviting atmosphere. Perhaps you order a fun drink (if you are of age) or maybe you stick with water, it all depends on your mood (and time of day).
When I go out to eat by myself, I love picking up on pieces of the surrounding tables’ conversations; a fun reminder that I am not the only one having a human experience on this planet. There are billions of people living their own lives, full of highs and lows. I appreciate knowing that I am but a drop in the bucket, my soul is but one of countless souls…
Now, the main takeaway from eating alone in a public space does not need to be so existential, as what I describe here. It can represent finding independence to sit alone and be alone for the sake of doing so, and that is the true win.
Table for one, please.
EXERCISE
1 – Going for a Walk/Run
Taking a walk or running outside is great for your health and well-being. Even if you live in an urban area, walking outdoors can be a fun way to learn your way around your city and find cool neighborhoods or businesses you may have missed when driving past in your car. To prepare for this solo adventure, make sure you:
- Create a route for yourself using a website like “On the Go Map”
- Charge your electronics (phone, headphones)
- Determine what you want to listen to (Pandora Playlist, podcast, YouTube video, music mix, etc.)
- Bring water
- Check the weather to be sure you are out at the optimal time of day (mornings if you live in a hot climate, afternoon/evenings if you live in a cold climate)
Safety Tip: It is best practice to not run the same route every day and stay vigilant of your surroundings during walks and runs.
2 – Attending a Group Fitness Class
Another fun way to exercise alone is to go to a group fitness class. I’ve personally attended classes at Orangetheory, a kickboxing gym, and circuit training gym that each had small to mid-size groups of people I did not know ahead of joining the gym.
It is nice having a coach guide the workouts but it is nicer focusing on sweating out the day without chit-chatting with a pal. You pay for these classes to see results not to spend half of a set talking about the drama that happened at work. Intense, I know. But it is okay to take fitness (and your “me” time) seriously.
If you are looking to get into working out by yourself, I strongly suggest these group fitness programs over going to a regular gym.
Walking into a gym solo, especially if working out and eight training is something new to you, can feel overwhelming. By attending a group fitness class you just show up and do not have to think about what machine to use or what to workout that day. I suppose this doubles as fitness and independence advice, but here’s to more group fitness!
OUTDOOR ADVENTURES
1 – Going to the Beach
As a former Florida resident, I can attest to going to the beach as an easy escape from the high intensity of life. Especially early in the mornings or during the offseason (winter). I loved waking up before everyone else to drive to my favorite beach spot near Seminole, FL. The earlier I would leave, the less traffic and the more likely I’d snag a free parking spot. Time to relax in a chair or on a blanket, allowing the sound of the waves to wash away whatever stress I was feeling.
A solo beach trip has a much different feel to it than day drinking with the gals and chatting up cute boys. Healing. Cleansing. Refreshing. Any body of water seems to have the effect. A trip to the lake or a pond, hanging near rivers or natural swimming coves. Over half of our bodies are made of water, so of course there is this deep healing connection when we bring ourselves near a natural body of water.
Pack some water, a hat, sunscreen, a chair, a towel, a speaker, a fully charged phone, a book, and enjoy what nature has to offer.
2 – Taking a Hike
Similar to taking walks around the neighborhood, hiking doubles in its benefits of exercise and getting fresh air. The best part — you may not need to travel far or be completely isolated from civilization to hike in nature. My first few hikes were highly trafficked nature trails apart of the Phoenix and Scottsdale trail systems. Excellent choices for those who are not used to the natural work but still want to experience fresh air, exercise, and nice views.
Helpful Tip: Search online to see if there are nearby city/county/state/federal trail systems.
Let’s return to standing on the side of the Elliot Highway, ready to embark on a 6.5-mile (one-way) journey to a natural hot spring. I love how empowered I feel when I am in nature by myself, even though it worries my mom beyond belief. It may be tough adventuring out there but boy or boy is it rewarding when you make it to the peak, or catch that sunrise, or soak in the hot spring to know that you are a part of this natural world and enjoying the natural gifts it has to offer.
Safety Tip: It is best to let folks know of your plans, study your intended route, bring plenty of water and snacks, and be aware of any wildlife concerns for the area you are exploring.
I could go on forever about hiking and outdoor adventures, I may share a post about the benefits of exploring nature in a future blog post and link it here.
TRIPS
1 – Going on a Long Drive
Downloaded music? Check. Podcasts? Check. Multiple bottles of water? Check. Snacks? Sweet and savory, check. Gas tank? Full. Cell phone? Plugged in, fully charged. Google Maps Route? Set and shared with a loved one. Alright, let’s go.
There is something refreshing about driving on an open road, listening to your favorite tune or a captivating podcast, no one to judge your eclectic music taste or make small talk with. For the next five hours, you are free to do what you please, take the scenic route, and stop as many or as few times as your heart desires.
Now, a long drive does not have to be a whole day affair, it could be an intentional half-hour out of town then back, or even taking a longer route to get home from school or work. The dual benefit of newness for the brain and aloneness for the nervous system.
For the longer excursions, like a drive I may or may not have done recently from the Panama City Beach Airport to the New Orleans Airport to catch a flight since my original flight was delayed…, I would inform a close person of my travel plans, make sure the vehicle is adequately fueled, buy a few liters of water, and have my phone plugged into the vehicle for the entirety of the drive. I try to keep my fuel tank at or above a half tank (I guess you could say living in Alaska has scared me into this best practice).
2 – Camping
I do not recommend this to anyone who hasn’t been camping before, but if you know your way around a tent and sleeping bag, it is definitely time for a solo camping trip!
For my first solo camping trip, I drove my Volkswagen Jetta over 6 hours to camp in the Apache National Forest over Labor Day weekend. Having a sedan made it a bit difficult to find a spot to camp, but I did both evenings and enjoyed spending quality time alone, among the coyotes and wolves (yes, I heard howling Mexican grey wolves the second night). Although my mother was worried about my solitude, I was never too far from other campers or in any true danger.
There seems to be a common theme in doing a lot of these activities alone: becoming one with nature without any distraction from another person. I do enjoy having my partner around for most of the camping experiences, but it is delightful to take the leap and try solo every once in a while.
3 – Traveling to a New City
No better way to rip the band-aid of doing things solo than taking a trip all by yourself.
I have spent day trips in new cities often, but have yet to travel by plane to a new city and stay to explore by myself. At the time of writing this, I am preparing for a trip to Hawaii, which will be my first time doing something like this. I am excited to hike around, spend time by the beach, eat at restaurants, and, perhaps, have delightful conversations with strangers.
Create an itinerary based on what you want to do and ONLY what you want to do, and experience a place you have not been to before. Is there any fear? Of course, a little fear is understandable, but mainly it is excitement and joy. What a fun way to get out and explore solo!
RECAP
The 10 things you need to try to break free from your fear of being alone are:
- Go to the Movies
- Go Shopping
- Eat at a Restaurant
- Take a Walk
- Join a Group Fitness Class
- Go to the Beach
- Go for a Hike
- Take a Long Drive
- Go Camping
- Travel to a New City
Thank you so much for reading. Please comment below if there is something you like to do alone that I did not touch on in this list. I truly appreciate your time and look forward to our conversation.
Check out my post on living an intentional life if you want to transform into your best self.
